walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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