Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
