Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
