I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
