Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
