just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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