Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My bed smells like the plague
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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