Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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