First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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