dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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