i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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