walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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