i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
