Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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