The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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