we're blogging at a bar
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
