did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
