Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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