I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
True strength comes from lack of pants
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
