my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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