u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
