The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
