The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
