its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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