I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
