3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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