Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
