Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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