also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
