From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
