i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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