legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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