i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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