we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
