I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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