Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
