Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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