We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
