Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
