I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
