She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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