I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
