I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
