your room smells of hookers.
And success
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
