So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
