In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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