I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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