May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Banned from zoo.
Again?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
