Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
