I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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