i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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