he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
