I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
