I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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