There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
