I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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