An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
