I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
