We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
